Worst Jokes Ever
Q: What do you do if you bump into a koala?
A: You koalagize to it.
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
Me: Opens the window to get some fresh air.
Everyone else on the plane: 😟...😱
A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.
"I'm positive!"
How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?
Satisfying.
What is blue, green, flat, and has teeth?
The Earth, but I lied about the teeth.
A man was taking a young child into the woods.
The young child said, "Mister, it's getting dark and I'm scared."
The man replied with, "How do you think I feel? I have to go back alone."
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck it off...
Race car backwards is race car.
Race car sideways is how Paul Walker died.
What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?
Chunky Tomato Soup.
I get more care packages than Africa.
I am really gay. I just needed to confess this.
What did the wire say to the electrician?
"Stop twisting my nuts!"
I was going to tell you a cow joke...
But it's pasture bed time.
Dead baby jokes never get old...
Why did the plum put sugar under its pillow?
So it could have sweet dreams.
My mom is a chemistry teacher.
Mom: You can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back.
Me: Tell that to my FUCKING CRUSH, BITCH!
This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.