Worst Jokes Ever

What do emos and bats have in common? The both hang.

Girl, you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror, it shatters, more than your relationship.

Yo mama so fat, when she went on the elevator, it went down.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

Why? You ask.

Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.

What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?

Princess Di wouldn’t be seen dead in the back of a Skoda...

Today, a kid in a wheelchair was rolling around the class to get away from this one annoying kid, so I told him, "Brayden, just get up and walk away."

A telescope has two uses:

1. To look in space. 2. To see your hairline.

What is the only thing worse than being told you're adopted?

Still being in the orphanage at 13.

What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?

A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?

One is finger-licking good, and the other is just a fast-food restaurant.

What do you call an 18 year old orphan?

Homeless.

Bro, I saw two dudes kissing LOL, but not regular kissing.

What do you call a German that can't see? A Notsee.

When you see a kid yelling and you wanna leave :(((((((

Which train is loaded with bubble gum?

A chew-chew train.

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.

The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.

And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"

I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.