Worst Jokes Ever
Principal: You're being bad. I'm gonna need to call your parents!
Orphan: *sits there sadly*
They told me I'd never be good at poetry.
But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!
Ex-Boyfriend: You have no ass, so we're through!
Me: Stop being a dickhead, dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!
Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.
So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).
When you go to Incestry.com instead of Ancestry.com.
Why did Stephen Hawking and his wife stop playing hide and seek? She kept using a metal detector.
How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.
Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."
Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
What did the drunk woman say to the man after leaving the bar?
"Alcohol, you later!"
What does Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common?
They're both made of plastic and children turn them on.
What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?
A box of crackers.
"Ching chong, drop the bomb!"
Uranus is huge.
What is black and white and red all over?
JFK
A student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick, and the guy was about to nut.
The school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone.
A blind teenager who is bad at reading wants to go hunting, so he finds a hunting ground called s-ch-ool.
A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."
What do you call a downy under water?
Dead fish