Worst Jokes Ever
What’s a cannibal's favorite food? Ramen (Ra-Men).
Hi guys, I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share with you! Today I saw myself on TV when I turned it off.
I tried to find my watch I lost last week, but I didn't have the time.
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
Before: Caring & Noble.
After: Chernobyl.
How many fingers does the Dragonborn have?
Four fingers and a Thu'um.
People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.
Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
Why is the mermaid so dirty?
Because she is a maid, mer-maid!
Why don’t clams like to share?
Because they’re very shellfish.
What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?
They are always so distant! :-]
*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."
Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."
Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?
He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.
Oh wait.
You fool!
Two Twin Towers topple to terrorists terrorizing twenty to-be-doomed trip takers.
Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Papyrus: Because he looked like me.
Sans: Sure.
If raping someone is sexual harassment, then is raping a rapist inverted harassment?
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
You can sink the Titanic like you can drive a bike. Not a joke.
What is the opposite of Progress?
Congress.