Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between the Titanic and Georgie from "It"?
Georgie floated!
How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?
They egg-xercise every day!
Florida: Homemade Taco Stand.
California: Homemade Lemonade Stand.
Alabama: Homemade Abortion Stand.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can’t find home.
Why did the Royal Wedding get more publicity than the SantaFe school shooting?
'Cause Royal Weddings don't happen every week.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
No Body Knows.
No body nose.
What's the best cure for aging? Suicide.
"I asked my friend what his height is?" He answered, "I'm sans'sational!"
How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.
When the school lets you near children again...
There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.
At least Stephen Hawking does something.
What’s worse than Sally in one trash can?
Sally in 13 trash cans.
A man gets captured by cannibals.
Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?
The trom-BONE!
P.S. This joke is very non-original and bad.
Why can’t dinosaurs cross the road?
Because they’re dead.
Why do boys feel safer at Ronald McDonald's House than Neverland Ranch?
Ronald McDonald's doesn't put his meat between boys' buns.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).