Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a group of emo people?
"The Suicide Squad."
What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?
My brother didn’t beat cancer.
Why is the white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
Because the white guy actually did it.
Why are gay guys so rude?
Because they’re fucking assholes.
I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.
The Earth was flat until yo mama buried herself.
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
Are you sure your father isn't a thief?
Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
How are gay people like mice?
They both hate pussies.
Why is hangman always done in black ink?
To make it more realistic.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought the Grinch was ugly until I saw you.
My grandfather lost his tongue during WW2.
He never talks about it.
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.
What’s the difference between a Black dad and a Pizza?
One can feed a family.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"
Are you a gun, because I would be your bullets because I love going in children.
Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.
I have more respect for cancer than depression, because cancer has the balls to kill me himself.