Worst Jokes Ever
Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.
I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
What's the best cure for aging? Suicide.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Why can’t dinosaurs cross the road?
Because they’re dead.
Why did the Royal Wedding get more publicity than the SantaFe school shooting?
'Cause Royal Weddings don't happen every week.
A man gets captured by cannibals.
Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
What’s worse than Sally in one trash can?
Sally in 13 trash cans.
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
"Oops, I made a mistake."
What kinds of apples grow on trees?
All of them.
They told me I'd never be good at poetry.
But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You dress her up as an altar boy.
What's the difference between the Titanic and Georgie from "It"?
Georgie floated!
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
I was gonna tell a rumor about butter, but I don’t want to spread it.
Oofer.
I make science puns periodically.