Worst Jokes Ever
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. "What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, a herd," her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard? I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo, so I gave them a halo.
Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?
A: Because it will eat your "aunts."
What is heavy forward but not backward?
"Ton."
Q: Why was 10 afraid?
A: Because he was always between 9/11.
Why is hangman always done in black ink?
To make it more realistic.
What’s the difference between a Black dad and a Pizza?
One can feed a family.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.
The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"
Me: What’s that girl’s name from Phineas and Ferb, the sister?
Crush: Candice.
Me: Candice dick fit in your mouth?
Crush: *slaps me, walks away*
Why was it cold in Stephen Hawking's house?
Because he had a new window open...
What's Hitler's favorite Yu-Gi-Oh card?
BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON
Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!
Dark humour : hell!!! Aren't people racist!!!
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them.
Your fat!
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite food?
His shoulder.
Yo mama so fat! When she jumps into a pool, NASA found water on Mars!
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window, and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down, and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” I know.