Worst Jokes Ever
What's grey and can't fly?
A parking lot.
Who’s the roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table?
Circumference.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.
Dark jokes are like Antarctica.
They're cold.
Hitler was a dic-tator.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde girl?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
Christopher Reeve.
I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Why could she not get back up? Because she had no friends.
Knock knock? Who's there? Not Susie...
I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I know he LCD'd them and all, but I have been tripping all day.
If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."
Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?
Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the bill.
It’s like going to the orphan and telling your mama jokes.
What Kind of Hardware store can't orphans go into?
Home Depot.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
Titanic jokes sink in. Pun intended.
Yo mama so fat that when she walked past the TV, you missed 3 episodes of your favorite show.
A boy was terrible at writing sentences, so his teacher gave him an assignment to help with that. The boy was to go home, write five sentences, and return to school the next day.
When he went home, he took a notepad and a pen and went to his dad for help. His dad was in a very important business call, so he angrily shouted at the child, "Shut up, you donkey!" The boy noted down that sentence. He next went to his mom, who assumed that he wanted to play video games, so she said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." That was his second sentence. For the third sentence, he went to his older brother, who was watching football where someone scored a goal, so he was jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!"
For the fourth sentence, he went to his sister, who was singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" For the last sentence, he went to his grandmother, who was cleaning the toilet and singing, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."
He went to school the next day, and his teacher asked him to tell her the sentences. The boy said, "Shut up, you donkey!" The teacher got angry after hearing this and asked the boy, "Do you want me to slap you?" The boy said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." This made the teacher so angry that she slapped the boy. Immediately, he started jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!" The teacher dragged him to the principal's office, as she was fed up with him. The principal asked the boy what his name was, to which he replied by singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" She asked him where he lived, so he sang, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."
What do you call a black person swimming?
Cursed Minecraft image.
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."