Worst Jokes Ever
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!
22 ants were playing football in a saucer.
One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”
What does a 90 year old's pussy taste like?
Depends...
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
Africa.
A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone, the blond retorts:
"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.
So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."
Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A murderer.
A murderer who--
Is cut off by being murdered.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
Why did Sally get a black eye?
Because she tried to play patty cake.
What’s the difference between a feminist and a rock?
A rock can break a glass ceiling.
I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.
So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.
What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!