Worst Jokes Ever

MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.

DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.

MOM: No, you're not.

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I only listen to waltz 3/4 of the time.

I found a chest of gold in my garden the other day. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?

Just tell them that it floats.

Been watching Smackdown DVDs, and I'm so erect right now. I'm so bricked up.

What's Jack's favorite flower? A rose.

I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!

Michael Jackson's nose is so steep, it can be a ski ramp.

You looking for jokes? I have one: your life.

What do you call a stripper in a wheelchair?

Hot wheels.

Have you heard of Imagine Dragons (the band)? Imagine dragging these nuts across your face.

The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.

I got 99 problems but a chin ain't one.

Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.

A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.

Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.

Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.

Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

What did the pilots say before crashing into the Twin Towers?

"We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we go through it!"

Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?

Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...