Worst Jokes Ever
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
"Don't worry, you can keep the tip."
What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss.
Where do sheep go to shop?
Woolmart.
To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.
Can an orphan go to a family restaurant?
My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house.
Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood.
Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job.
My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I'm good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.
What did the blind, deaf, mentally handicapped orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Wanna hear a dry joke? A desert.
What do you call blue and orange at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with flat armbands!
A common question I get as a doctor is, do vaccines cause autism? Well!, I was vaccinated, so.....
Why do most orphans become prostitutes?
“Because they always wanted a daddy.”
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."
What's the difference between tuna, a piano and glue?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
Your momma's so dumb, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
Yo mama's so fat, she works in the movie theater as a screen.
So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."
Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play Monopoly?
How do you think Princess Diana died?
...Too soon?
One day a cow ate a fish.
What came out the other side?
A dead fish.