Worst Jokes Ever
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?
A blood bath.
Africa.
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone, the blond retorts:
"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"
Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A murderer.
A murderer who--
Is cut off by being murdered.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!
What’s the difference between a feminist and a rock?
A rock can break a glass ceiling.
I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.
So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!
What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?
Taco Bell going out of business.
What is the octopus's favorite shape?
An octagon.
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.
"Ching chong, drop the bomb!"
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.