Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the math book kill itself?
It had too many problems.
What’s the difference between your dad and your hairline?
Nothing, they both ran off.
Yo mama is such a slut, she could get slapped by a pack of hot dogs and get pregnant.
Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?
Person: Big black what?
Riddler: ...
Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.
In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
Why was the orphan so successful?
When the options were either go big or go home, he only had one option :(
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
Why do white people own a lot of pets?
Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.
Why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo?
Nemo goes back to his father.
How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
What’s the difference between a Black person and snow tires?
Snow tires still work after you take the chains off.
Hillary Clinton is elected president...
And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
A young couple gets banned from church.
There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.
After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.
"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."
"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"
"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."
I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.
What’s worse than finger banging your sister?
Finding your dad’s wedding ring.
School shooting: Happens.
Foreign Exchange Student: Starts sobbing under desk.
American Student: "First time?"