Worst Jokes Ever
My sex life.
Don't break someone's heart because they only have one; instead, break their bones... they have 206.
What's a rapist's favorite scale?
C Minor.
Oh, sh**! I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
Justin: Hey.
Josh: Hey man.
Justin: Why only "man"?
Josh: It feels weird saying the r a c e y names.
Justin: I don't mind.
Josh: Okay, S L A V E.
Justin: Oh no, not T H A T one!
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"
"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?
Because it was Luke warm.
If the shoe fits perfectly, why did it fall off?
Why do pizzas not tell jokes?
They're too cheesy.
Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?
Because it never runs out of juice.
So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.
I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.
What did the butcher say to the pig?
Nice to meat you.
All school meeting introductions:
Grade School: “Welcome Girls and Boys!”
Middle School: “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome!”
High School: “Fingerers and fingerees.”
"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."
So, three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother. The first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So, the mother replies, "Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead." The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So, the mother explained, "Same as Daisy, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead." The third daughter then said "ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb," so the mother said, "Shut up, Brick!"
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.
When you look at the sun, it's like looking at me.
What is the worst part of milking a cow?
The smell of the dairy air.