Worst Jokes Ever
People say I should be proud of my autism, but truth be told, I'm only in it for the help in class.
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
JFK did a good job spreading around on his final speech.
What do you call a short black person?
By their name, you racist!
What is the hardest part of twerking?
Being black.
A pedophile is playing poker with 8 seven-year-olds.
The pedophile has a pair of 7's and three 4's in the river. He smiles and says, "Yay, I got me a full house!"
Commander: "Fire a warning shot."
Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."
Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."
Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*
Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"
There was a boy named Sammy, and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne. But she didn’t notice him or talk to him. But one day, she did, and they end up liking each other and getting married and lived happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy snuck in Rayne’s house at night and kidnapped her, locked her in his basement, and turned her into a puppet so she'd be with him forever and ever. The End.
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
What is blue but smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
What is a cow's favorite drink?
Mountain Moo!
When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.
I'm really worried for Stephen Hawking, 'cause how is he going to climb the stairway to Heaven?
Did you hear about the tomato and the lettuce race?
Well, the lettuce was ahead, and the tomato was trying to ketchup!
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!