Worst Jokes Ever
A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.
The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."
One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? "HOT WHEELS"
Where were the first orange trees 🍊🌳 planted?
In Orange County.
What did the cowboy say to the girl on the beach?
"Sandy cheeks."
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar...
Yo mama so old the carpenter uses her crotch as sandpaper.
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
What do you call an Indian lesbian?
Mingeeta.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
What's an orphan's favorite song?
"Gimme Shelter."
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."
The commander starts answering:
"No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"
"Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"
"Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"
After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:
"In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.