Worst Jokes Ever
A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.
One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."
Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."
Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"
All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"
The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."
Where do fish keep their money?
In a riverbank!
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?
They only come out for the boos.
Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
Why is the B so cool? Because it’s in between A and C.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
Christmas special
Me: Can you describe Mrs. Claus in 3 words? Santa: Ho ho ho.
I found Nemo.
He was tasty.
I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
What were Stephen's last words? “Battery low.”
Yo mama so old the carpenter uses her crotch as sandpaper.
What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?
A stink bomb!
What do you call a broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless!
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
Bad cows, bad cows, whatcha gonna moo?!
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
What do you call a bear without an ear?
B.
Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.