Worst Jokes Ever
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
As many as you like. They can’t change anything.
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
because they'll never make it home.
What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile?
Just trying to fit in.
Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby?
One makes you cry when you cut it up.
Knock knock. Who's there? Crippling depression. Crippling depression who? Me.
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs, and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: "Super cauliflower, eggs, but cheese was quite atrocious." (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)
Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies.
Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive.
Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out.
Wanna hear something that's the worst? He comes back for seconds.
Dr. Brody: Sir, your son has a disease called boofa.
Dad: What's boofa?
Dr. Brody: Both of these nuts in your mouth.
I named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say, “Get down, Syndrome!”
Q: How can you tell the sun is a boy?
A: It rises every morning.
A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!
What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.