Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a grown-up orphan? Homeless.
What is a gay person’s favourite meal?
Willy con carne.
These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.
Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind.
Knock knock Who’s there? Not Sally.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."
What does a house wear?
A dress.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apaches.
Apaches who?
Apaches on your eye.
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa? One stops at the top of the skyscraper.
Me: Your ugly...
Person: I'm not your mirror...
Me: I never told you to be my mirror :p
What's red and really bad for your teeth? A brick.
Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?
Because he couldn't do standup.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.
Alzheimer's protesters march chanting. "What do we want? Better treatment... When do we want it? ...Want what?"
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.
Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.
Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I've ever made.
Then I realize, "My daughter isn't THAT bad..."