Worst Jokes Ever
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand-up.
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.
What is Stephen Hawking best at in basketball?
dribbling.
What’s the best thing about 28 year olds?
There’s 20 of them.
Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?
A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.
Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.
Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don't know they have? Like "Blue truck dude", "Loud dog guy", "Nice old lady with the rose bushes", "That slut across the street."
What's the a simulation between a penis and a Rubik's cube?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Q. How much cum does a gay guy have?
A. A butt load.
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
My undergrad was killer. It was murder in the first degree.
Q: What do you call it when four Mexicans drown in quicksand?
A: Cuatro Cinco.
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
I am about to make a joke about cake. You butter believe it.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.
I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.
A farmer walks up to his farmer neighbor with a jug of milk. The farmer says, "I milked your cow." The neighbor replies, "I have a bull, not a cow."
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it was stuck in a crack.
What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.