Worst Jokes Ever
Yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry.
Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?
They say he had locomotives.
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow herd.
Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!
Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!
Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!
Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"
Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."
Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"
So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
To get to the other preschool.
What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?
Answer: Assprin.
When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.
Wow! That whiteboard is remarkable!
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
My sister's pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad!
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
What do you call a ghost's fart?
A spirit bomb.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile, but what does she know? She's 7.