Worst Jokes Ever
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
There once was a street named Chuck Norris. They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
Because that’s the only love they get.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?
His shoulder.
What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.
What concert costs 45 cents? -- 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.
What gang was Stephen Hawking in? The Crips.
What's the difference between onions and babies?
I cry when I cut onions.
If a crippled man told stories about himself, would that be called VeggieTales?
Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?
Artificial Intelligence.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.