Worst Jokes Ever
I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
Spoiled milk.
Kid: Hey, what’s black and sneaky!
Social studies teacher: Harriet Tubman.
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?
... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
There was a power outage.
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow herd.
Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!
Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland?
Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie, bastard, lie!"
Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!
A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"
The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"