Worst Jokes Ever
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.
Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to? Because they were born without a penis.
What's a Mexican's favorite video game?
Borderlands.
Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?
Because he was about to kick the cabinet.
What do you call a dad in the mirror?
(Your imagination.)
What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."
Why is Santa always so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
A blind man had an argument with a man in a wheelchair. The man in a wheelchair made fun of him saying, "look, there's a spider." The blind man simply said, "Step on it."
In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."
A kid walks in late to class. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." Another kid walks in late to class, and the teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." The last kid walks in and the teacher says, "Why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back, "Remember, my name is Pebbles!!"
Roses are red, I don't know why, Living is hard, I want to die.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.
Why does Helen Keller hate the national anthem? Oh, say, can you see?
Candy is dandy.
But liquor is quicker.
How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!
Condoms? HA! Those are for pussies!
What is the difference between a man performing anilingus on a woman and a man performing cunnilingus on a woman?
If a man is performing anilingus on a woman, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A “Lickalottapuss”.