Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to your ego, and then jump down to your IQ.
Friend: Did your tattoos hurt?
Me: Nah, not really.
Friend: What did they feel like?
Me: 7th grade.
Friend: 😶😶😨😰😰😰😨
If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.
I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.
Joe Biden's speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.
Why can't dwarfs be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.
I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.
After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.
My favorite toast for parties:
May I be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what hits first?
His lawnmower.
Why did the scientist want to take off his doorbell?
Because he wanted to win the no-bell prize.
Radiohead had to remake "Fake Plastic Trees" after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.
If I were a history teacher, I’d make the two twins stand up and throw a paper airplane at them.
How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.