Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

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If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?

Asking for a friend.

There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.

Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."

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    • Son: Dad, am I adopted?

    Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?

    What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?

    Jesus died a virgin.

    A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."

    What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?

    In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.

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    • So I asked a Chinese woman for her number, she said "sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight."

    Her friend said "No, it's 666-3629."

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    • This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult, "I know the whole truth," they will be all weird. So he went home and told his mom, "I know the whole truth," and she gave him $20 and said to keep quiet.

    Pleased, when his dad got home, he said, "I know the whole truth," and his dad gave him $40 and said, "Don't tell Mom." Really pleased, he met the mailman the next day and said, "I know the whole truth." Then the mailman got down on his knee, opened his arms, and said, "Come to daddy."

    A drunk walks into a bar and says, "All lawyers are assholes!" A guy at the other end of the bar says, "I resent that!" The drunk says, "Why, are you a lawyer?" and the other guy says, "No, I'm an asshole!"

    Why are babies called bundles of joy?

    When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.

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