Worst Jokes Ever
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?
CUMedy.
I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...
no one could tell that it was their blood.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to move.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.
what's the difference between hitler and you?
one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
What do jokesters eat for breakfast? Pun-cakes.
What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?
Artificial Intelligence.
My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”
What gang was Stephen Hawking in? The Crips.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
Me: I have lost it.
Random: Lost what?
Me: My will to live.