Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the noble gas cry?
Because all his friends Argon.
What is the difference between a man performing anilingus on a woman and a man performing cunnilingus on a woman?
If a man is performing anilingus on a woman, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!!
Look in the mirror. There's a joke for you.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite dessert? Cream pie.
Why do bees have sticky hair? They always use honeycombs.
Go Kermit, toaster bath.
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
Did you know when scientists discovered atoms could split, it blew them all away?
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn't she get up?
She had no friends.
Knock Knock (Who's there?)
Not Sally...
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.
He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.
What's a Mexican's least favorite lesson in art? Drawing border lines.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. The phrase "jump rope" means different things.
What is a priest's favorite song?
-- Magic Flute in A minor.
Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!
What are the big mouths of feminists good for? Portable urinal for men.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
In a cruel twist of irony, Stephen Hawking's favorite song was "I've Got the Power."
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.