Worst Jokes Ever

Being sad is my only happiness.

You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.

I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.

What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS?

If you stop giving money to a church, you won't go to prison.

I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in a room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.

Person: Where do I commit suicide?

Dog: Roof.

Person: Good idea.

I've never worn my gay sweater, it hasn't come out of the closet yet.

I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.

I got banned from the library for putting a book about woman's rights in the fantasy section.

They say I'll mess up my insides, but I don't have any.

What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.

If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.

Expresso, expresso, no more depresso!

Did you know Hellen Keller has a pool?

Neither did she.

If you kill an emo, Is it an assist kill?

Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass.

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: It picks cotton.

Some people think "prison" is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.

Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?

Really?

Well, the one I fucked did.

What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.

Statistics show that 1 in 3 people live next to a pedophile. However, I think that's a lie because I just live next to 2 stunning 8-year-olds.