Worst Jokes Ever
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.
Person: Why'd you stop?
Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
A friend asked me, "Where are you going?"
I answered, "6 feet underground."
Me: Want to play 911?
My little brother: What's that?
Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.
I hate two-faced people because I don't know which face to slap first.
I used to get pushed and called lazy in school.
Man, I loved that wheelchair.
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.
A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.
A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.
What is the difference between a feminist and a female prostitute? If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? No, he hasn't either.
These jokes cheered me up from suicide. This is amazing material. God bless all of you.
It sucks that Stephen Hawking died so soon, the new Intel update just came out.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
Closer kin, deeper in!
Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.
Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda looked like me.
What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
Snow balls.