Worst Jokes Ever
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?
Guys, my sister's pregnant!
I'm finally a dad!
Why do prostitutes love servicing zombies? They always leave a tip.
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
People in 1912: "Titanic is unstoppable, even God couldn't sink this ship."
God: "Bet, where are my icebergs?"
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
These gags are killing me!
Chuck Norris can make Minute Maid lemonade in 5 seconds.
In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!