Worst Jokes Ever
So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
What had more brains than Hitler? The wall behind him.
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."
Stephen Hawking isn't really dead, he's just rebooting.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? "Tie won shu."
What do you call a single bisexual?
All bi myself.
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Rape jokes are like your dad's dick. You don't want it but you still get it anyway.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph, because he’s not a full Esé.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
What is the difference between a woman performing anilingus on a man and a woman performing fellatio on a man?
If a woman is performing anilingus on a man, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!
Why did little sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
What did sally get for Christmas?
Gloves! Only joking...she still hasn’t opened the box.
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
Looks like the gene pool in your family is about three inches deep.