Worst Jokes Ever
Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes?
Because they are aimed at a younger audience.
How do parents punish their blind kids?
They re-arrange the furniture.
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.
A depressing but satisfying victory.
What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
Why did the United Nations stop the french government from using the guillotine in public?
because the french government was using the guillotine in public on newborn baby boys for circumcision.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?
"If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed."
What’s the difference between a bullet and a Jew?
One comes out of the chamber.
Why can’t an orphan get suspended or expelled from school? Because they need to contact parents.
Why do Japanese people hate Christmas?
Because the last time a "FatMan" went down their chimney they lost half of their population.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick.
The bartender asks him why.
And the pirate says:
"Argh, It's driving me nuts."
Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.
People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.
So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.
Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?
To see who's hanging around.
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
I like my Oreos how I like my victims... Drowning.
I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"
I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.
She said, "but the world is round."
I said, babe, you are my world.
My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.
Lying bastard never came out.