Worst Jokes Ever

Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but thankfully, I turned myself around.

I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.

He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It don't matter what you call it. It ain't coming.

What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.

What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?

A pedophile.

When dwarfs get high, do they just get medium?

I've looked everywhere... I just can't seem to find where I left my will to live.

My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.

Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?

Why did the chicken commit suicide?

To get to the other side.

How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah, that's the one!"

The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂

I didn't know that COVID-19 was a thing until I saw your eyebrows and your hairline social distancing.

Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.

Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

Same time next month?

I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."