Worst Jokes Ever

What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.

If you were on the Titanic and you didn't leave the ship, what would you do? Just let that sink in.

Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed.

But she has to. She's his mom.

Why are Americans bad chess players?

They lost two towers.

Yo mama so stupid she threw a Mother's Day party at an orphanage.

What's harder than steel? Michael Jackson at a playground.

A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."

The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"

The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."

I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear?

White vans.

What does a cannibal call people in water?

Sea food.

What type of tape do kidnappers use?

Abduct-Tape.

Welcome back to the hide and seek world championship! Osama Bin Laden vs. Anne Frank!

When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.

Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."

What did the suicidal leprechaun say?

"Irish I was dead."

Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!

Mom: Exactly.

Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.

Kid: Are you gay?

Me: No, I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on.

Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."

Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."

Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."

Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."