Worst Jokes Ever
A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.
Depression is like having anxiety, but with more voices.
I went up to the blind kid and punched him and said bet you didn't see that coming
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
"Don’t be dumb, make sure she’s numb."
- Bill Cosby
Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr. Baker was probably a baker. Mr. Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr. Dickinson...
Why did the orphan commit mass murder?
To be on top of the wanted list.
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
What is the best cure for aging?
Suicide.
Yo' mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.
Why can't a cheetah play hide and seek?
Because he's always spotted.
So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."
Knock knock. Who's there? Not your parents.
It’s sad because with all these mean jokes Stephen hawkings can’t even Stand up for himself
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
How do you circumsize a hillbilly?
Kick his mother in the jaw
I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...
But now I don't know what to do with the letters.
Chuck Norris and Time had a race.
Result: Time is still running...
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy". (My bad if this offended anyone.)