Worst Jokes Ever
One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"
Why did the noble gas cry?
Because all his friends Argon.
Look in the mirror. There's a joke for you.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite dessert? Cream pie.
Look, I'm innocent. I was just going on vacation in NY, but my co-pilot said: "Hit it with your best shot."
Why do bees have sticky hair? They always use honeycombs.
Go Kermit, toaster bath.
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
Did you know when scientists discovered atoms could split, it blew them all away?
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn't she get up?
She had no friends.
Knock Knock (Who's there?)
Not Sally...
Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.
He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.
Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. The phrase "jump rope" means different things.
What is a priest's favorite song?
-- Magic Flute in A minor.
What's the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other blowjobs.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!
What are the big mouths of feminists good for? Portable urinal for men.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
In a cruel twist of irony, Stephen Hawking's favorite song was "I've Got the Power."