Worst Jokes Ever
In order to get $355 million for his civil fraud case, Donald Trump desperately needed to fundraise. So, in every Republican Party event, he will serve the Patriotic Trump Dog! It consists of an 80-year-old sausage inside a 10-year-old cream bun, topped with Russian dressing.
Trump does have the best people, doesn't he?
I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
What is stronger than family?
The tree Paul Walker hit.
My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “We'll see about that.” Then I unplugged his life support.
If Hitler had a cooking channel: Step one... Turn on the gas.
What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.
where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
When meeting her parents doesn't require you to leave the house.
"I had a great day today." "Why?" "Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"
What is the difference between a feminist and a vegetarian? A vegetarian doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons. However, a feminist doesn't act like a bitch for moral, religious, or health reasons.
What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?
A cutting board.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso.
JK, it's bleach.
I hate family reunions.
I see too many of my ex's there.
Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."
What do you get when you cross a clergyman and a politician?
A panhandler.
Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.
My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.
It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.
What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.
Sorry for all the jokes, I'll end it.