Worst Jokes Ever

A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.

The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in only three moves.

One thing that Johnny Depp and Michael Jackson love to do? Sniff on little white crack.

A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm.

"This place looks scary," the kid said.

And the man replies, "I know right, I have to walk out of there alone."

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?

Deer balls. They're under a buck.

I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.

A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.

One day, little Billy came in, pulling up his pants. The teacher asks, "Where have you been, Billy?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." A few minutes later, little Willy came in. The teacher asked, "Where have you been?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." Ten minutes later, little Johnny came in. The teacher says again, "Where have you been?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." A few minutes later, a girl came in. The teacher says, "Who are you?" She says, "I'm Beverly Hill."

How is a woman like a condom?

Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.

She was eaten by a giant crab.

Helen Keller walked into a bar, and a chair, and a table, and a wall.

Me and a person downtown.

Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.

Me: I guess so.

Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?

Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.

Person: Why'd you stop?

Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.

A friend asked me, "Where are you going?"

I answered, "6 feet underground."

Why do Native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?

Because there were too many knights.

What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.