Worst Jokes Ever

Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass.

I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in a room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.

Person: Where do I commit suicide?

Dog: Roof.

Person: Good idea.

I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.

I got banned from the library for putting a book about woman's rights in the fantasy section.

They say I'll mess up my insides, but I don't have any.

I've never worn my gay sweater, it hasn't come out of the closet yet.

What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.

How do you stop a heterosexual woman from sucking your dick? piss inside her mouth

Did you know Hellen Keller has a pool?

Neither did she.

If you kill an emo, Is it an assist kill?

If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.

Expresso, expresso, no more depresso!

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: It picks cotton.

Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?

Really?

Well, the one I fucked did.

Some people think "prison" is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.

What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.

Statistics show that 1 in 3 people live next to a pedophile. However, I think that's a lie because I just live next to 2 stunning 8-year-olds.

I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.

Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.

What’s the similarity between a bag of chips and a gun?

When you pull one out in class, everybody wants to be your friend.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite song?

- They see me rolling.