Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.

People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.

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    • So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

    I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.

    Why are feminists always against men?

    Because men can piss with something that they can't: piss with dicks.

    I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"

    My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.

    Lying bastard never came out.

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    • A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."

    Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

    However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

    She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

    The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

    "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

    So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

    After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!

    She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

    "Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

    "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

    "You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."

    Now, how about that drink?

    My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.

    What’s the difference between a bullet and a Jew?

    One comes out of the chamber.

    I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.

    She said, "but the world is round."

    I said, babe, you are my world.