Worst Jokes Ever
Go Kermit, toaster bath.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
Did you know when scientists discovered atoms could split, it blew them all away?
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn't she get up?
She had no friends.
Knock Knock (Who's there?)
Not Sally...
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."
What is a priest's favorite song?
-- Magic Flute in A minor.
What's the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other blowjobs.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
What are the big mouths of feminists good for? Portable urinal for men.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
In a cruel twist of irony, Stephen Hawking's favorite song was "I've Got the Power."
Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.
He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. The phrase "jump rope" means different things.
So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."
What had more brains than Hitler? The wall behind him.
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
What do you call a single bisexual?
All bi myself.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.