Worst Jokes Ever

How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.

Depression is like therapy; the more you see it, the more you get used to it.

Why do Japanese people hate Christmas?

Because the last time a "FatMan" went down their chimney they lost half of their population.

I'm doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled.

It's called "spastics on elastics."

I wish I could be as visible as my depression is.

Father: "Son, you were adopted."

Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"

Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."

A pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers. The passenger asks, "Why did you become a pilot?" The pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says, "You're afraid of heights?" "No, I'm afraid of dying alone."

1273. Depression got the best of me. I'm gonna cry in my room now.

Why can a gay man give a better brojob to a heterosexual man than another heterosexual man?

Experience.

What's an emo's favorite Pink Floyd album?

The Final Cut.

Me: Knock knock.

Friend: Who's there?

Me: I don't know anymore.

One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"

What do five dicks sticking out of glory holes and five udders both have in common? They are ready for milking.

What do you call a man off the ground?

Hanged.

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

Why is the leaning tower of Pizza leaning?

It has better reflexes than the twin towers.

My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.

What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?

Nothing, I cut both of them.

It ain't always easy having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.