Worst Jokes Ever
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
What do you call someone smart and dead?
Stephen Hawking...
My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.
The gay kid tried to shoot up the school, but his shots would not go straight.
What is Forrest Gump’s email password?
1forrest1.
Why can't the Chinese play baseball? They ate all the bats.
What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.
Did you know, the average gay person likes men?
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.
Only in Ohio.
What's black and yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of orphans.
Roses are red, violets are blue, if I had a brick, I’d throw it at you.
Why is America so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
I don't want to die alone... That is why I am working my way up to become a suicide bomber!
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay people can play Star Wars.
I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know, he hasn't opened it yet.
Did you know the pool in the Titanic is still full?
Little Johnny's mom is taking a shower. Little Johnny walks in and asks, "What is that in between your legs?" Mommy says, "That is my keyhole." The next day, Little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and Little Johnny asks, "What is that in between your legs?" Daddy says, "That is my key." The next day Little Johnny says to his dad, "Looks like the neighbor has the key to Mommy's keyhole too."