Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.
Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the male orphan decide to be gay?
Because he wanted someone to call "daddy."
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.
In Syria, there are no Walmarts, only Targets.
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
When is it acceptable to hit a dwarf?
When he dances with your wife and says her hair smells nice...
Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."
I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.
As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."
How to complement a depressed person: "I like your cuts, g."
What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.
There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.
News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestler's legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.
John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip.”
The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip.”
Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see... Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?”
With heavy breath, John told him, “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.”
“What???” Said the coach... “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified.”
“I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls.”
Your hairline goes all the way back to when Burger King was a Burger Prince.
What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.
Can't wait to meet you!
So join the Depression family!
We open real soon!
Try best to hold onto sanity!
An orphanage got robbed yesterday. Let's just say that's the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn't end up like their parents.
Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.
Why does Michael Jackson like to play ping pong or table tennis? He likes to play with the little balls.
