Worst Jokes Ever
Toothbrush: I think I have the worst job ever.
Toilet paper: Ya, right.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous, aka cashews.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
"Float like a butternut, sting like a bee."
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
Annie.
My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap till their parents come home.
Hey Aria.
What did one casket say to the other casket?
"Is that you coughin'?"
Your mom is so ugly her face would split in half when she sees you.
As a kid, I used to eat a sour herb from a certain spot near a rock.
Now I pee on it, just following the ritual of Africa.
Please stop hurting people's feelings, or they'll hang around the house.
Hanuman is a monkey.
What do I think about the Kennedy assassination?
First of all, he should have had a roof on that car.
When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."
My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing, so she elbowed me in my damn nose.
Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.
His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."