Worst Jokes Ever
If a man says you’re ugly, he likes you.
If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s just jealous.
If a child says you’re ugly, well, you’re ugly.
Amber Heard's Morning Routine
Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they all beat the room for being black.
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."
Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat a whole species went extinct.
"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."
"What type of book is it?"
"An autobiography."
Who are the fastest readers? The victims of 9/11. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.
Islamist guys and American Christian right-wing guys are both similar in that both abhor the existence of gay people, but only the Christian Right loves to eat sausages, especially the little ones, if you know what I mean...
Dark humor is a lot like food.
Not everyone gets it.
A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.
So sad when the emo kid tried to give a high five to a tree.
Too bad he left him hanging.
How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?
It isn't hard.
I got sent out of a library for putting a women's rights book in the fiction section.
My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.
Why are Muslims not fond of American cops?
Because Muslims don't like pigs!
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
"What do we want?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
"When do we want them?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
Why can't Hitler join track?
Because he can't even finish a race.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.