Worst Jokes Ever
"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."
"What type of book is it?"
"An autobiography."
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
If a man says you’re ugly, he likes you.
If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s just jealous.
If a child says you’re ugly, well, you’re ugly.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they all beat the room for being black.
Dark humor is a lot like food.
Not everyone gets it.
Who are the fastest readers? The victims of 9/11. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.
A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.
So sad when the emo kid tried to give a high five to a tree.
Too bad he left him hanging.
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... Until they are flashing behind you!
How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?
It isn't hard.
I got sent out of a library for putting a women's rights book in the fiction section.
My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.
I saw it through my telescope last night.
Why are Muslims not fond of American cops?
Because Muslims don't like pigs!
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
"What do we want?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
"When do we want them?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
Why can't Hitler join track?
Because he can't even finish a race.
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters
'PNEIS'
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.
Islamist guys and American Christian right-wing guys are both similar in that both abhor the existence of gay people, but only the Christian Right loves to eat sausages, especially the little ones, if you know what I mean...