Worst Jokes Ever
Emos love jumping for joy.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
You know my first name, but don’t worry about it; you’ll only be screaming my first.
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.
He’s used to penetrating aggressively.
My uncle died in 9/11. He was a pilot.
Why can't Asians do word searches?
They can't see the words.
The reason why in the US their emergency number is 911 is because of my uncle Mohamed, RIP, best pilot ever.
I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! 🦎
Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.
Why didn’t the grape 🍇 leave her family?
Because she loved raisin' kids!
This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."
Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.
What goes up but doesn't come down?
Why did the kidnapper cross the road?
To get the kids at the playground.
There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."
John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"
Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"
John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."