Worst Jokes Ever
You know Bofa? Bofa deez nuts.
There were two guys in an asylum. One was named Kenny, and the other was Bob. The nurse went down the hall and saw Kenny acting like he was packing his bags. The nurse said, “What are you doin', Kenny?” Kenny said, “Going to Florida for the week.” The nurse said, “Alright, see ya when you get back.”
Next day, the nurse went down the hall again and saw Kenny lying down acting like he was holding a wine glass. The nurse said, “What are you doing, Kenny?” Kenny said, “I am at the beach.” The nurse said, “Oh, I forgot you're in Florida for the week, see ya when you get back.” Bob's room was across the hall. The nurse went further down the hall and saw Bob on his bed jerking off. The nurse said, “Goddamnit, Bob, what are you doing?” Bob said, “Shhh, I am fucking Kenny's wife right now, he is in Florida for the week.”
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.
What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?
Answer: disappearing acts.
What do squirrels and men have in common?
They always want a nut.
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
Hey, did you know that 9/11 won a Grammy?
Yes, best comedy award.
I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
Your hairline's so bent, it goes west, east, north, and south!
A girl named Sally has no arms.
"KNOCK KNOCK"
She never answered...
What do ghosts put on their bagels 🥯?
Scream cheese.
I'm sweating like Michael Jackson at a kindergarten.
What do you call a cup with a handle?
A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(
I'm a rapist.
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
Today I feel diving. Today I feel penalty. Today I feel tap in. Today I feel ghosting. Today I feel finished. Today I feel a bench warmer... I know what it feels to be discriminated... I was bullied because I am Pristiano Penaldo.