Worst Jokes Ever
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they can't change anything.
Why couldn't the orphan go on a school trip?
A parent's signature was required.
What do spiders and Black people have in common?
When they’re black, they kill you.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
What do you call a Lesbian at a Barbecue? A LGBBQ.
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
What do you call a cab for black men?
A cop car.
Your hairline is so ugly, I thought you were Shrek!
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're never wanted.
Me, haha, I'm the joke.
So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
Why do they have fences around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
Why can't Columbus be offered a professional football team?
Because then Cincinnati would want one too.
"Did you go to the biscuit eating championship?"
"Yea, it was crackers!"
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.
What is an angel's favorite kind of tortilla chip dip?
GuacaHOLY!
Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?
Because he wanted to win no-bell prize!
Yo mama is so fat, I took a picture of her last year, and it is still printing.