Worst Jokes Ever
Why does China have the biggest eyewear?
Because all their eyes are too small.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.
What do you call an orphan when there 18?
Homeless.
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
People: Stop invading Ukraine!
Putin: Ukraine? you mean Mykraine.
I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.
It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.
What is a Mexican person's favorite sport?
Cross country.
Why couldn’t people use the George Floyd action figure? Because it was vacuum sealed.
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
What is long that Paul Walker can fit into his mouth? A long black tree.
Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.
Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up.
What do ghosts put on their bagels 🥯?
Scream Cheese 😱.
What's Pee-Wee Herman's favorite Michael Jackson song?
Beat It.
Bro, tampons look like sperms, and they go up your coochie.
Why did little Susie fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms or legs.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Susie.