Worst Jokes Ever

What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?

Family photo.

I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.

I wasn't staring at you; I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon.

So, I had an orphan friend, and he asked me, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, I just wanted to remind you." Then I asked, "How are your parents?" After that, I never saw him again.

What do Paul Walker and I have in common? Neither of us have seen Fast and the Furious 7.

I just found out that there is a racist stereotype about Asians being bad drivers, which isn't true... but if it is, then maybe Pearl Harbor was just an accident.

Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."

Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.

My life is like a broken pencil, it's pointless.

Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.

Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.

My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.

What do you call a depressed person?

Me.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.

Billy: "I'm so used to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long-distance relationship."

Sally: "Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall..."

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.

At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.

The lice in your head are starting to concern over deforestation.

Dark humor is like a home; not everyone gets it.

Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.

Quiet kid: "I'm home!"

Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"

Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"

I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.