What's the difference between the righteous and a sinner?
You decide.
Worst Jokes Ever
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"
Kid: "A leopard."
Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."
Kid: "Broooooooooooo."
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
Pain. Gained. Anxiety. Fulfilled. Insomnia. Depression. Always with me. Happiness... The one thing I can't have.
What does a depressed person and a jacket have in common?
They’re both hanging in the closet.
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
Where would an astronaut park his spaceship? A parking meteor.
So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was going to tell a 9/11 joke, but it was really plane.
You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.
What were the emo kid's pronouns?
Was/were.
Why do we never make adult jokes in front of orphans?
Because the joke needs parental guidance.
What do you call a person who cares for chickens?
A chicken tender.
How are peppers 🌶 so nosey?
They get jalapeño business.
What time is it when you get home, can you walk home and walk?
What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?
The Jackson 4.
Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
So a woman walks into a magician's toy store and browses the collection. Among which was a black, phallic-looking object. She brings it to the counter and asks, "what's this?"
The cashier explains that it's a magical dildo that will listen to whatever you say, "fuck me in the ass," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the ass, "fuck me in the pussy," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the pussy, "faster," it'll go faster, "harder," it'll go harder. She bought this magical artifact and went home for a night of fun and pleasure.
After receiving several orgasms from the magical dildo, she'd had enough, and she told it to stop, but it didn't. The dildo continued to penetrate her, it would go harder and faster, but it refused to stop or slow down. In a panic, she ran over to her car and drove to the hospital to get it surgically removed. Her panic made her disregard the traffic rules, and she quickly found herself pulled over by a cop. As she pulled down her window, the cop leaned towards the door and asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?", the woman tried to explain the situation, she told the officer about the magical dildo stuck in her pussy, but the officer didn't believe her, "magical dildo, my ass" he said, and the lady drove home.
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*