Worst Jokes Ever

Kris looks like a Neanderthal. The only difference is that Neanderthals serve a purpose in HUMAN HISTORY.

3 boys were having a debate about who had the healthiest grandma.

Boy 1: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!"

Boy 2: "No, I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!"

Boy 3: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital..."

Boy 1 and 2, looking confused.

Boy 1: "If she's so healthy, why is she in the hospital?"

Boy 3: "Because she's giving birth right now!"

I love your hair today.

How did you get it to come out your nose like that?

What did the female farmer say to the person who raises a male chicken? "Nice cock!"

Chuck Norris drove his parents to school.

Chuck Norris once won a race against Usain Bolt, running in the opposite direction around the track, blindfolded, on one foot.

Why couldn't the NASA astronaut enter his rocket to leave Earth?

There wasn't enough space to fly it.

*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".

The whole lot collapsed and buried him.

When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.

Why do orphans want to be criminals? Because they want to feel what it’s like to be wanted.

Why do orphans have water with their cereal?

Their dad didn't come back with the milk.

Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.

You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.

Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.

Like if you laugh.

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

Imagine going up to an emo and saying, "You're just like a spider, you're both good at hanging."

The only thing brighter than my cuteness is the fire on the Twin Towers.

I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.

"Among Us, Among Us, Among Us, Among Us, Among Us."

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"

How to kick a deaf person off the plane:

Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.

Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.

Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.