Worst Jokes Ever

1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!

2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!

3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!

4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!

Are these good?

Trying to make jokes in 2020-2021 be like:

Comedian: "When she went in front of the TV, it took an hour till you could see the screen again."

Audience: "Why you gotta be so offensive?"

Comedian: "I'm not tr-"

Audience: "Oh, so now you're trying to debate?"

Comedian: "I-"

Audience: "Now you're acting racist?!"

What do you call a vagina with teeth?

A vicious cunt.

What do a priest and a McDonalds have in common?

They both slide their meat in 10 year old buns.

Kid: Mom, what’s dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Kid: But, Mom, I’m blind!

Mom: Exactly.

My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."

So I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

What do you call a guy from India calling you?

A scammer.

Me: dozes off while driving. Everybody else on the passenger plane on September 11.

My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.

A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."

So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.

The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.

So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”

Girl: Hey.

Orphan: Hi.

Girl: Wanna be friends?

Orphan: Sure.

Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.

The last words of a depressive person are: "Yay, Freedom."

Why do trans women go by she/her?

Because if they went by her/she, they'd be Hershey's.

What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."

Why do orphans use water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

Abortions = yeetis of the fetus.

I donated a computer to the orphanage...

It didn’t have a motherboard.

Me: "Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!"

Depression: "Lie in bed."

Why can't orphans play GTA? Because they're not wanted.