I cried when Dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.
Worst Jokes Ever
The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.
What do you call a kid going fast on a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels.
What do orphans get at restaurants?
The family meal.
Teacher: What’s the closest planet?
Kids yell: Sun.
Except for one.
Other kid: Uranus.
Teacher: Uranus?
Other kid: Yeah, it’s right there.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Their dad did not come back with the milk.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"The FBI."
"The FBI who?"
"Are you dumb? It's the f#cking FBI, now open up!"
What goes in small and soft?
And comes out big and hard?
A tea bag.
My dad is John Cena because I can't see him.
How does a penguin (however you spell it) build a house? Igloos it together!
Why can't orphans open a family business?
Because there is no family.
Why did the loo 🚽 roll roll down the stairs? To get to the bottom.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?
Me: Oh, good, you?
Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.
What did the fish say when seeing his best mate?
"I sea him!"
What do you call a cow's facial hair?
A moostache.
Penis, peepee, poopoo!
I named my dog "5 miles," so now I can tell people I walk "5 miles" everyday. 😏😎
What do turtles use to communicate?
A shellphone!
You know what is the worst mistake every human being made?
Answer: Living.
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?
Women can't take a joke!