Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
Life is like a penis, women make it hard.
So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.
Why can't Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoes?
White vans.
You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?
Both end up getting cut.
If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What is the biggest disrespect to send a box of tea bags to Africa?
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
What does the "f" stand for in orphan?
Family.
Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.
Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.
Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus.
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
Me: I named my dog Five Miles so I can tell people I walk five miles every day.
Old man: I ran over five miles today.
Q: Why is Hitler better than Biden?
A: Because Hitler gave gas to his people for free.
How did the Indian suicide bomber blow himself up?
He pressed the red button.
What do feminists and dogs share in common? They need to be taken to obedience school.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mother's and Father's day.