Worst Jokes Ever

I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.

Joe Biden was once president, but he got arrested because he got caught fingering a minor.

What do emo kids like to do in their spare time?

Hanging out.

So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.

Are you Jeffrey Dahmer? Because I'd love you to eat me.

My mom said, "Take out the trash," but I couldn't find you.

What do you call a rare fart in Egypt? A toot uncommon!

What’s a squirrel’s favorite OTT? Nut-Flix.

What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?

With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

Your mama is so ugly, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.

Your hairline goes so far back that cars on a highway don't know which way to turn.

Why do orphans want to be gay?

So they have someone to call "Daddy."

What do you call a gay dinosaur?

A mega-sore-ass.

The Stigg is a joke.

What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?

I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!

If two eagles make a baby and two sparrows make a baby, what makes no baby?

Two swallows.

Orphan: What are you doing tonight?

Me: Your mum... oh wait, you don't have one.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiot's house.

Knock knock?

Who's there?

The chicken!

My girlfriend accused me of cheating, and I said to her, "You're starting to sound like my wife."

What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?

Ooh, snickerdoodles!