Worst Jokes Ever

What do EMO kids use as birth control? Their Personalities.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

"Windows 10 shutting down."

If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.

Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."

Gf: "I luv u too."

Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."

Gf: "Ah, about that..."

Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?

They made the toys.

What do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill? An avalanche.

What about Mexicans you may ask? A mudslide.

What about black people running down a hill?? A jailbreak.

Where did Sarah go after the bombing?

Everywhere. 💀

Today, I dreamt about giving head to Johnny Depp.

Then I woke up and realized that I forgot to roll my windows up when passing through the New Jersey Turnpike.

A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.

“Super Power Beer,” he says.

“Oh, yeah? I doubt it?”

Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage whatsoever. He walks back into the bar.

“Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof — and falls 15 stories to the ground.

Splat.

The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.”

Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?

It can't hit home.

A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

Did you know the Titanic swimming pool is still full?

Why are Asian's eyes always squinted?

Nukes are bright.

This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"

I replied, "I done it as a joke."

-April 1, 2020

I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.

Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.

Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.

Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.

I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...

My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."

So skinny you have to run around in the shower to get wet.

What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.