Best part about being an orphan?
Not spending 1h30 at the table every night with your dad yelling, "What's 2*3?!!" And you crying, "I don't know!!!"
Worst Jokes Ever
Two gay men walk into a bar. One of them turned to the other and said, "Hey, what do you say we get out of here?"
Me: Says to kid at adoption center, "You're adopted!"
Me and kid: hug.
Thought this site needed a little bit of nice jokes.
What does a middle aged man live in?
A retarded kid he keeps in the van.
What's an orphan's favorite movie? Home Alone.
Me: Ok so let's get this straight....
Cop: I'm not straight ok, now get in the car.
Me: But I didn't do anything?
Cop: No.
Me: So why are you arresting me then?
Cop: Imma tell you a story.
Me: Oh no.......
Cop: I know, now come on.
Me: Ok where?
Cop: My room.
Me: Which room?
Cop: My bedroom.
Me: 😱I'm a girl.
Cop: So am I, now get in.
Me: But I'm 9.
Cop: I'm 59.
What do you call an orphan with no relatives?
An orphan with no relatives.
Dad: What did your older brother say before he lost his virginity?
Son: Dad, please don't.
Dad: Exactly.
I used to think all Americans were racist.
Now I've changed my mind. They DID elect an orange president.
Why did the guy run because the girl ripped his penis off?
Being gay must be a pain in the ass.
What's the difference between an American police man and a Christian?
At least a Christian kneels in church.
Dear uncle, I want my condoms.
I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... she had really bad balance.
Why did the old man win in a fight? Because he was stressed.
I wish I was rich and not poor and retarded.
I have gathered intelligence regarding the Russian Forces that have been stalled in Ukraine for days. Apparently, they are installing rear view mirrors on their combat vehicles and tanks in order to see the battle at the front lines.
So I went to a church and I asked a friend, "Is the picture on the wall Jesus, and does it have three nails or one nail?" Oh wait, that's not Jesus, he is not doing the T pose that he invited.
Do you know how to confuse Helen Keller?
Put her in a room and tell her to find the corner.