Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
I fucked a wall.
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
Why is there a 76 button on a bottle of ketchup?
To bring sweet luck.
What world record did the people in 9/11 get?
The world record for going down 80 floors in a matter of seconds.
Why can't you hear the pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
Yo momma's so ugly that she made One Direction turn into the Other Directions.
What's a fish without eyes?
A fsh.
Wanna see a joke? Open the front-facing camera.
An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"
What do you call a Chinese car thief?
Tommy Tookamota.
What does the beet DJ say when he's partying?
"Dance to the beet, y'all!"
Your life. That's all.
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater."
Fiancee: "Break a leg!"
Why is death taken so lightly? It's terrible how people use it! (This is NOT a joke!)
Who is the coolest vegetable?
Rad-ish, of course!
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.
My friend has a shovel made of gold. I guess you could call him a gold digger.