Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.

This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."

There’s a woman cutting onions when her husband walks in and starts crying. Onions was a good dog.

Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.

In 1492 Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

He sat on a rock, tickled his cock, until it turned red, white, and blue!

A kindergarten teacher was telling a story...

A kindergarten teacher was telling a story about a farmer walking around the farm talking to the animals. She was trying to get the kids to interact, speak up, and to use their imaginations.

"Mister Farmer stopped at the cow, and the cow said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Susie, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

Susie says "He said 'Good morning Mrs. Cow!'"

"Mister Farmer stopped at the pig next, and the pig said 'Good morning, Mister Farmer!'. Johnny, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

Johnny says "He said 'Good morning Mr. Pig!'"

"Mister Farmer stopped at the chicken, and the Chicken said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Billy, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

Billy says "The farmer said 'Holy shit, that chicken is fucking talking!'"

What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?

One of them has someone to mourn them.

So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

Gf: Babe, do you love me?

Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.

Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...

Bf: Exactly.

Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.

Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.