Worst Jokes Ever
Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse.
Would you help your uncle "Jack" off the horse?
What is tall when it's young but short when it's old?
A candle or a pencil!
Josh is chubby.
A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.
"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"
Have you heard about kids with AIDS?
It never gets old.
Neona: Gwen?
Gwen: Yes... what can I do for you?
Neona: You were so right! Mr. Smith has sexual problems and is a fool! I am so sorry that you were not a liar! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!
Gwen: You should have listened. Plus I'm over it!
Neona: Are you mad at me?
Gwen: Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen.
I wanna tell you a scary math joke, but I'm too squared to tell you.
I am deciding to do songs on this app... so I am a type songs. If you want a specific song typed I will type just comment!
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn’t know back-to-school sales had started already!
Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.
Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.
Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.
And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...
Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? It's pointless.
73 Earths can fit in Uranus.
Virgos are always virgins to age 17... Just saying.
Gallons (DYM 113).
Roses are red, grass is greener.
When I think of you, I play with my weiner.
You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can’t find home.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."