Worst Jokes Ever

I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.

(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?

Why do Roman Catholics have so many kids?

So there’s more for the priest.

I got detention one day. I don’t know why; I only slapped the emo kid on the wrist.

Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it wanted to look up a 10 year old girl’s skirt.

You're so poor, even the store didn't let you buy anything free.

I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.

What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?

...

I'm still trying to think of an answer.

If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.

If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.

Are you a fire alarm because you're loud and annoying?

I like my men like I like my Alexa:

By my bed and turned on.

Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.

The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."

The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"

One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"

How do you punish Helen Keller? Just move the couch.

Q. What's red and crawls up your leg?

A. A homesick abortion.

Don't be sad if you miss a shot when you yell "Kobe." He didn't make it either.

You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?

Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

My uncle died on 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.

Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!

Me: Why? They don't land well together?

Your hairline is so far back it became a case.

Why did Technoblade die?

'Cause he wanted to Skyblock in Heaven!