Worst Jokes Ever
What's the definition of a bastard?
Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.
Q: What did the person who invented the door knocker get?
A: A no-bell prize.
You know what pun is used for "waist?"
Nothing. You'll find nothing.
It's just a waste of time.
Why did the nose cross the road to find the person who "nose"?
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
"I spy with my little eye..."
- Noting I am blind -
What’s worse than ants in your pants?
Uncles.
What is the difference between a male prostitute who is a Democrat and a male prostitute who is a Republican?
When Republicans perform fellatio for money, it is called prostitution, but when Democrats perform fellatio for money, it is called a donation to their political campaign.
What do you call a polar bear with mood swings?
A bipolar bear.
Lol
What does Diana stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My father didn’t beat cancer.
Why can’t Asian people play baseball?
Why?
'Cause they ate the bat!
My syndrome may be down, but my money be up 😈.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want—he can’t hear you.
I am a fat girl.
Have you ever tried anal bleaching?
It really helps assholes lighten up.
Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍